Good Separateness Doesn't Hide

 3 minute read

What?

Yes, the ability to be separate, to not lose myself beside another person is an essential part of a healthy relationship.

This separate quality is about identity, knowing who I am and who I am not.

 It’s not uncommon for people to come together in relationships where one may be compliant and merge into the other and like a chameleon lizard they can’t be seen. They take on the identity of their surroundings.

This person may feel that this is kind, easy going and loving “don’t want to trouble anyone”, “don’t want to be visible”, afraid to bring who I am into the relationship or perhaps believing that this is the safest or the most noble position beside others.

There is a problem with this in a relationship though, because the relationship will be just that way, where the true self will be unable to be seen, unable to be found, and without identity, because this position of the chameleon, is based on fear not love .

We instinctively know that for relationships to thrive there must be love. When fear is the strongest driver in our connections, love will not be able to grow… because fear and love do not cohabit . When fear is up then love is down. Swap that around. When love is up then fear is down.

If the ‘chameleon’ has been a familiar friend, you can leave him behind and grow forward, taking ownership and control of your own weighty and valuable life and bring a separate and loving self to relationships .The result also, will increase your own sense of being loved.

Vivre pour aimer!

( Live to love)