"I Just Stared At Him"

3 minute read

Direct communication that is honest, with full disclosure, is the best option in building a good relationship.

There are other possible pathways, such as just “staring hard’ at someone, putting on an intense face in response to something unacceptable.

This on its own communicates very little useful information to resolve a conflict and requires considerable mind reading skills!

There is a funny old song (that the young have probably never heard) and it has these lyrics:

 “Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tyre.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me. (Tompall Glaser- American Country Music)

Apart from the many issues in this relationship, one that stands out regarding communication, is that ‘babe’ in this scenario, seems to have let this situation continue, without any honest communication, so that it has become the ‘norm’.

Then, the option chosen to suddenly communicate the unacceptability of this arrangement, is to leave- ZAP!

There is a large gap in the middle between the ‘Intense Stare’ and the ’ZAP’.

This gap is where healthy communication comes into play.

Neither the ‘Stare’ or the ‘ZAP’ techniques are necessary, or effective.

Relationally healthy people will respond to us and relationally unhealthy people will not.

A better option is to tell the truth directly and early about ourselves and in doing so, we have an antennae for the kind of people that we want to be with and…

  … the kind of person we need to be for others.