They Push - You Hold!

3 minute read

The ‘Push’ is what children do naturally .

The ‘Hold’ is what parents need to be good at!

Children are highly efficient at their task . They are experts at pushing the boundaries to see if the lines are real and if they will hold under pressure.

They actually need to do this to learn about reality. For children to experience reality, parents need to be a limit not just say a limit. They do this by setting the limit and then holding it!

If the limits are not held firmly and the children can move them with an artful tantrum or the wearing down with a persistent whinge, they learn that they, in fact are the leaders of the household.

That, dear parents, is a recipe for insecurity, anxiety and control in the children, not to mention the weakening of parental authority when you need it, for safety and healthy development.

When parents lovingly hold the line, children are secure and they learn to adapt to reality.

When parents do not hold the line but succumb to pressure from the child, they learn to demand that reality adapts to them. This does not produce good results in adolescence and adulthood.

This skill of holding the limits for our children is only possible if we ourselves are able to give a no, without indecision and to receive a no, without losing love, in our own lives.  

To do this, we must be comfortable with the idea that a no can be just as loving as a yes.

Our parenting will excel when our own boundaries are mature. Boundaries are the first port of call in becoming skilled and effective parents who raise mature adults…

  … with the character necessary, to succeed in life.